Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
