Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
