i permit you to call me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
