Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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