I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
