my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
