she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm just crazy horny about you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
