I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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