worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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