Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
