Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
