I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
