If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
