so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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