i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
