i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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