You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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