I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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