no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
