I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
