walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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