Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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