ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
