DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
