he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
