I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
