What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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