there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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