Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
