I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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