Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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