your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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