it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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