i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
