"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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