'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
