Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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