My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
