his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
