somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
