the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
