Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
