Dual....:-)
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
