Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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