Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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