My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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