It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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