are you so shy because you have an std?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
