is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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