My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
